back online

Hello world! I’ve been offline for some time. That is, for instance: mail account was “unknown in virtual alias table” and such…
So if anyone tried to get in touch with me via personal mail for a few weeks until now, I did not receive it, sorry, please try to get in touch again.

The site / blog was on and off too. But, it seems that everything is back to normal.

Also, I realise I haven’t been around here (on the blog) for a while, I have to check the content, probably cleanse it of some deprecated stuff. Not sure when it’ll be, but I’m also thinking to maybe come back with more posts on this or that.

So maybe see you around here again sometime, don’t be a stranger.


trying your best

I’ve been thinking about this again lately and ended up with this, at different points (same period), so i thought i make a note of it so i don’t forget : )

trying your best has momentary thresholds, it’s actually a very elastic capacity – expanding as you exercise it… you’d be surprised

just try to do your best, you’ll be surprised how far that will take you sometimes

making the most of it

Sometimes i forget how “making the most of it” can be such a simple yet awesome recipe.
It’s an incentive to look at what’s eclipsed by the things that trouble us. Some of these things are mostly punctual / temporary, some last in longer challenges and may be very exhausting. But there’s more there – and it’s too often eclipsed even by petty little things.
But I know, sometimes it’s not as easy as said.

not me

I don’t have a google+ account… I haven’t googled myself for quite some time, there are more people with this name. That means youtube account with this name is not me either. Anywho.

click – consume internet responsibly

Dear internet cohabitants,
Please watch this talk about how what we view on the web influences and forms it, and try to click / choose your daily consumption on the internet more responsibly.
Below I added, in my view, some alternatives for a smarter / more intelligent content that can also be entertaining – of course these are some of my personal pickings, the web is full of ignorance as it is of awareness and actual useful information / content.

Here are some alternatives, most also have Facebook pages, twitter accounts and some YouTube channels:

TED talks (and TEDx and other satellites)
Some TEDx videos are more local and thus sometimes difficult to appreciate the filtering of relevancy and degree of subjectiveness / specially in the life experience talks, but even those are perspectives worthy of consideration.
The mothership, the “TED talks” , are much as I’ve seen just brilliant people worthy of your attention and consideration. Really Ideas worth spreading.

TED is a platform for ideas worth spreading. Started in 1984 as a conference where technology, entertainment and design converged, TED today shares ideas from a broad spectrum — from science to business to global issues — in more than 100 languages. Meanwhile, independent TEDx events help share ideas in communities around the world.

Vox is a more recent update to this post (2017). Lately this is the place I relate to most often, for their orientation towards critical thinking and the effort to align general public view with modern scientific views – so to say: to put things in context.

Vox is a general interest news site for the 21st century. Its mission is simple: Explain the news. Politics, public policy, world affairs, pop culture, science, business, …

Big Think
They have a YouTube Chanel with many scientists and professors / “experts” invited, some subjective perspectives of philosophers too – but perspectives worth considering.

About page excerpt:

“In our digital age, we’re drowning in information. The web offers us infinite data points—news stories, tweets, wikis, status updates, etc—but very little to connect the dots or illuminate the larger patterns linking them together. Here at Big Think, we believe that success in the future is about knowing the ideas that allow you to manage and master this universe of information. Therefore, we aim to help you move above and beyond random information, toward real knowledge, offering big ideas from fields outside your own that you can apply toward the questions and challenges in your own life.

Every idea on Big Think comes from our ever-growing network of 2,000 Big Think fellows and guest speakers, who comprise the top thinkers and doers from around the globe.”


“The RSA’s mission is to enrich society through ideas and action.

We believe that all human beings have creative capacities that, when understood and supported, can be mobilised to deliver a 21st century enlightenment.”

You surely know at least one of their RSA animate videos, they have lots.

“The RSA Animate series is an innovative way of sharing world-changing ideas. All audio is taken from the RSA’s free events programme, and all animations are created by Cognitive Media.”

New Scientist

New Scientist is a world leading science and technology brand, covering the big ideas and developments from all areas of science and technology through a respected and influential weekly magazine and widely read website. Offering the latest news, ideas and opinions, New Scientist is an authoritative voice on all matters related to science, technology and the ideas improving our knowledge of the universe and those shaping our world and lives.

The School of Life
We don’t have to keep making the same mistakes. Only one note about the views here: sometimes it presents only one view – while that one view is worth considering most of the times, sometimes it’s presented like ‘this is how the world really is’ or how people really are or how it would be best or such. In my view they sometimes forget to specify that it is so for “some” people, or it is that way “sometimes” – or even “most of the times”; that in some cases maybe “something else” all together that they didn’t mention. Mostly the missing fallibility of it, the diverse positive views as well as as the diverse negative ones. Too sure on themselves would be ok, but they’re not like Carl Sagan or Richard Feynman to really reach that unbiased view… at times I disagree with The School of Life’s views, so I guess we’re all cherry-picking. Still, this brings a very rich and well grown garden to pick from.

The School of Life is a place that tries to answer the great questions of life with the help of culture. It’s based here online and in 10 physical hubs around the world, including London, Melbourne, Istanbul and Seoul.

Brain Pickings
See the About page for info. Briefly:

“[…] a subjective lens on what matters in the world and why. Mostly, it’s a record of my own becoming as a person — intellectually, creatively, spiritually — and an inquiry into how to live and what it means to lead a good life.

Founded in 2006 as a weekly email that went out to seven friends and eventually brought online, the site was included in the Library of Congress permanent web archive in 2012.”

Wait! but why?
Title says enough. See the wait but who page. Quite brilliant perspectives I’d say.

SciShow, Crash Course and others – YouTube channel

“SciShow discusses science news and history and concepts.

With equal parts skepticism and enthusiasm, we go a little deeper…without going off the deep end.

Most of the time, anyway.”

They are also making the Crash Course YouTube channel and others, relevant education and just information has never been so accessible much as i see it.

Quora – virtual Agora

“Quora is a question-and-answer website where questions are asked, answered, edited and organized by its community of users.” (wikipedia descriotion)

This is awesome, you can find answers to any questions from people who had direct experience with what ever you want to know, the most relevant answers are voted up so you’ll know which ones are really worth reading. Want to know what is it like to survive, to fail, to face any kind of challenge, how something works, or validate an hypothesis, or anything really – among the users are scientists, journalists, writers, philosophers, doctors, government folks, experts from any domain really – from all over the world; it’s a virtual Agora and you can set your interest and get an e-mail with what interesting questions had been asked / answered previous week, you can ask your own questions, follow any question, it’s simply brilliant and an unlimited source of insightfulness from the consciousness of the world : )
Sometimes i find more very intriguing perspectives at the time, it’s the world as it should be.

The Brain Scoop – YouTube channel

“I’m Emily, the Chief Curiosity Correspondent of The Field Museum in Chicago, former volunteer of the University of Montana Zoological Museum, and I’d like to share some of the amazing things we have in the collection with the Internet!”

[Ve]ritasium – YouTube channel

“Veritasium is a science video blog featuring experiments, expert interviews, cool demos, and discussions with the public about everything science.”

Shots of Awe – YouTube chanel
A more experimental and subjective perspective but mostly inspiring and enthusiastic views:

“Ever ponder the miracle of life? Or perhaps wonder about the evolution of intelligence? In Shots of Awe, “Performance Philosopher” Jason Silva chases his inspiration addiction as he explores these topics and more.”

Of-course, there are more, but these are most frequent for me it seems.

Also, in romanian, there’s Iv Cel Naiv, bringing you romanticised / serene views of life in verse. And the even more brilliant part is that the replies are also in verse as it becomes a place for thinking and seeing the world trough a serene – verses-build lens. I’m sure there are such places in English and other languages too, if not – then it means that there’s room for new beginnings.

“un om căra în spate / un dram de seninătate //”

island of new beginnings

Initially, when I wrote it, I titled it “We the haunted”, but then after a month realised it sets a stigmata where it doesn’t really belong. And I chose to title it instead for the positive incentive that it deserves.

I’ll leave this shipwreck and join the others,
tiredly as they swim for the shore
to this distant island which we’re pretty sure that is not a mirage.
but we know
that once we get there,
if we make it,
we’ll have to build a new ship and find a new home.

so i jump, off this wreck that, although it keeps me afloat,
will not move anywhere,
and I’m tired already and weak – without nourish,
and have no esteem left as a paddle to push all that wight around.

as I leave the cold wood and hit the freezing water
my chest instantly feels like a stone of ice.
i try to adapt and struggle to keep breathing…

a-last, distracted from everything else all-round,
i start to push the water away from the island.
gradually, i get the hang of it.
i see it, it’s there, i can do this!

finally, confident enough that the island will not disappear,
i turn my head around.
others from other shipwrecks are swimming near by in the same direction.
the warm feeling of a hello makes all the cold feel like a tinkle,
“it’s not just me anymore” i tell myself
and continue pushing the water beneath me away from the island.

we look back at our separate shipwrecks as we swim…
all the familiarity that we had there, that we projected…
the lingering time spend customising reality or illusions…

how did we not see the rocks?

role models

I’ve disabled my Facebook account a few times by now. And each time I came back, eventually, I got back to re-posting some things that I thought/think that are perspectives worth sharing. This brought me to the realisation of how important it is to ponder on who influenced you, who’ve been your so to say role-models. And out of a wide list here are the ones that are world wide accessible and with the lesser subjectivity embedment.


My favourite: Carl Sagan – bringing about our context in Cosmos, how we’re all made of star-stuff – “a way of the cosmos to know itself”. Then the bunch of them: Steve Jobs about how life is not a set of walls which imposes us what to do – and try not to bump into them and that we can change / improve it because there are some pretty messed-up things in the world; there’s Don Tapscott highlighting the incentive of collaboration – sharing and transparency in this current era of communication which he so wonderfully encourages us to work together like the birds do in their murmuration phenomenon – calling it the murmuration era; there’s Gandhi setting himself as example for non-violence and encouraging us to be the change we want to see in the world, there’s Einstein that forever enhances the disinfecting light in our views reminding us how everything is relative – advising the regard to truth above all no matter if it concerns big or small issues – making it further more easy to realise the more perspectives not just conceptually – imaginary – philosophically but physically – scientifically; there’s also Socrates and Plato which, spite of some deprecated points of view which held us back for quite some time – they also helped us advance until one point – the story of the cave still helps us understand ignorance and ignorant behaviour which unfortunately will always be around; there’s Albert Ellis bringing about how we should realise that things are not necessarily bad but it’s often us that interpret it that way – suggesting, besides that it just might be us that over-blow the interpretation of a situation, to also regard how we react and affect the situation – to become aware of our own cognitive behaviour and of potential irrationality it may be field by; there’s Brené Brown which reminds us of empathy and tells of the importance of embracing vulnerability and of the trials that shame can bring and the armour that we tend to build because of it and how that can make us resort to sympathy rather then empathy and how different these two notions can be; there’s the Buddha which we find in a sutta describing “the middle way as a path of moderation, between the extremes of sensual indulgence and self-mortification, this, according to him, was the path of wisdom” suggesting to use this mindset onwards in the eightfold-path towards equanimity and an unbiassed – up-straight and mindful appreciation and relation with everything; there’s David Attenborough that made me feel like I visited and discovered the wondrous and divers nature around the world by strolling alongside him trough the jungles and the lands and trough the deeps of the waters – seeing how it all exists, some of it stopped existing, how it became and evolved and also how we affect it; there’s Charles Darwin who so patiently brought us the evidence of our evolution and the foundation to which science added so many of the puzzles of how we came to be; there’s also Richard Feynman who reminds us of the beauty that science enhances about the world and not subtracts it and that it’s ok that we don’t know everything yet – that we’ll learn the truth by being opened in discovering nature and the universe as it is and not by expecting it to be in a certain way or another – that there’s no reason to be afraid of not having a purpose given in the universe; and so many more in different fields like Ellen Lupton reminding of the importance of typography and realising the rules and braking them in need “from a perspective of knowledge and not ignorance”, John Lennon who reminds me I’m not the only dreamer and it stops being a dream once it’s a shared purpose – “so I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will live as one”; and the list goes on: Charlie Chaplin, Michio Kaku, Ann Druyan, James Randy, Alan Watts, Sebastião Salgado and more subjective influences like writers / artists and such.

These are people that had done, said or written things that had an influence upon me, that made me consider new points of view or changed existing points of view from the foundation of my belief system.

Obviously all these people did / said / wrote more then I so briefly mentioned above, I just tried to set a sample of the awesome perspectives they borough and the magic i found in them.

For some there are aspects that belong to them directly or as association, not specified here – but important aspects that I do not subscribe to. For instance Steve Jobs also had his douchebag moments, I don’t appreciate some Apple policies about service for instance, and in general the technology industry how it uses natural and human resources and how it manages (or doesn’t manage) its waste on their production side or on the user side, and others. Still, all these, including Mr. Jobs, are as mentioned worth considering in a very intimate level.

I’ll try to add a sample in video for some of them below:

I assume that…

we assume about others then ourselves so much… we assume context, we assume motivations, intentions, personalities, potential / limitations, perspectives, experience, beliefs, importance of a thing or another, self esteem, taste or interest in a thing or another… often due to impressions of a moment or impressions in exceptional situations that were probably not obvious.


One of the things that really stuck to me after the Mary Poppins 1964 movie was “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” , as I’m often socially anxious or better put quite awkward, and the existence of a word that could help me in such situations, with the serene attitude that this word brings – being so “atrocious” as it is : ) seems like a dreamy redemption for me and this incapacity of mine. Truth be told, the one time I should remember to say this word in that kind of circumstance I forget it too, I forget everything, what time it is, what I wanted to say, what happened a minute ago or why I was doing what ever I was doing… teenage dirt-bag crushes can be that way I suppose. You just seem to freeze and not be able so say anything, still can’t quite explain how, why that goes that way. And it seams to me that what creates this kind of reactions is quite rare… and just might be a such a pity that such things are lost quite because you could not say anything… it almost seems unfair… but I suppose it makes sense… i guess…
It’s a moment like that I’d like to turn back the time to and have remembered and said: “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” … perhaps as a gesture that reminds me and makes me now realise and understand even better a verse in one of my own poem attempts:

[…]”Black comes tending to take over
Above all white it starts to make a shadow
That scares my little angel at this hour
Feeling so alone and whit out power
To stab the evil in his heart he’s sent an arrow
With his last breath to save me from upon my shoulder.”

But I hadn’t read the book. So, like with many things in life I imagine, there was a bigger perspective to know and to understand. There’s no supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in the book. Here’s  the author P.L. Travers in an interview talking briefly about Mary Poppins, the Hollywood – Walt Disney movie:

-“It’s still being shown all over the world.”
“Yes,  So they tell me. I’ve seen it once or twice and I’ve learned to live with it. It’s glamorous and it’s a good film on it’s own, but I don’t think it’s very like my books.”

P.L.Travers about the character Mary Poppins:

“She comes out of a world that is timeless I think and… perhaps that’s all one can say about her.”

The presenter of “The secret Life of Mary Poppins” – BBC documentary, at the end of the documentary, apparently filmed right after she had supposedly seen Walt Disney’s “Saving Mr. Banks” movie:

“Well, they’ve done it again, they’ve done it to her again. They’ve tied it all up, they’ve smoothed off the rough edges, they’ve given it a happy ending, they’ve given it structure and redemption… they’ve completely cleaned-up the messy story of Camillus, he simply doesn’t appear.

But here’s the thing, it really um… it really gets you, that’s what’s ridiculous, that it’s incredibly moving, the way that they sorted everything out and they give everything redemption… is very powerful… and it knows it’s doing it, that’s what’s infuriating, it knows it’s doing it, there’s a moment just near the end where Walt Disney says: “That’s what story-tellers do, they restore order with imagination”.

Life is messy, difficult, dark and complex. Feuds can be made up, but never completely solved. Books can try to reflect this sadness and lack of resolution, as P.L. Travers books did, even for children. But Hollywood films take a different approach.

In a way it’s like Hollywood itself is a Mary Poppins or an aunt Ellie, it’s tiding up the nursery, it’s finding a way trough the chaos. We want to believe as much now as we did in 1964 that redemption is possible, and that is both the lie and the miracle of Hollywood films, that it can all be neat and tidy at the end. At some deep human level, it’s that order we crave.”

I find that documentary ending brilliant. Just one thing about it. I’m not pleading for hollywood movies as I think they can be very diverse in that perspective and in all perspectives actually, but we CAN make the most of our lives and feuds, we can bring redemption and there are hollywood movies that show that truth in my view, that yes it’s going to leave scars, it won’t be all cleaned up – but we can clean up what we can, accept what cannot be changed (at least in this moment) and make the best of what we have. Hardship happens and will happen, mistakes will challenge us – be them made by our selves or by others – but not just that we can learn an grow from those mistakes, but if we only look at our own mistakes we might just realise we’re not so different after all. As diverse and dynamic as we are, we do have common desires and needs at “a deeper human level”, it’s the choices or risks that maybe we hadn’t been so courageous to take, the mistakes that in our case someone was there to tell us that it’s wrong and most specially why it is wrong, the perspectives that we had the influence to find and look upon in books, the crossroad that we might have taken with a compromise wondering now and then “would I have been any different then that” if something in my life wouldn’t have set me on this other path I am now? Was that thing that set me on my path something I had build trough my life? or was it a moment of chance? as if a stranger walking by had whispered as he/she had just passed: “take the left, you’ll be better off!”.

PS. Of-course by the time I wrote this I had bought the book and started reading it. I loved it even more.

karmasutra and facebook

Content of this post started from this picture which came about just as I was wondering if I should get back to facebook or not, or not just yet…

Just one late addition: i just found the image funny, please don’t assume if I’m identifying with that or not, if I believe in karma or not or fate or not, destiny, what ever else. You’d be just assuming whatever you’d be assuming and this is just not the time to go into that.


Not sure which one is more jail-like (with or without Facebook).

Seems a bit more isolated without facebook, but then with Facebook it seems a bit more isolated in an virtual ego.

The past will be known as pre-facebook era and we are living in the facebook-era and the post-facebook era is what the mayans are foreseeing as the end of the world (again)… as they have reached the edge of their round stone.

Those who will not adapt will parish, their genes will be forgotten.
That’s ok, some are part of another species that will also survive, the googleolians.
Although their future is uncertain in the facebook era, their karmasutra is also strong.

Now, now, there will always also be the twitterites but they tent to stay close to one of the protecting clans of facebookolials or googleolians.

Other such species like linkedinonites and flickronites are starting to display similar adaptive behaviour.

While other, smaller ones like intstagramalites have been swallowed whole by the facebookolians which went “mnom, mnom”.

There are still very few, what they call, free spirits – that live by the forest and have no knowledge of the changes that came upon their brothers and sisters which to whom they seem very peculiar indeed, as for them the lingering rain and muddy lands are just as pleasant as the last sun-rays that slowly disappear from blue to red, dazzling trough the tree branches and beneath the mountain line before the stars start to light the horizon brighter and brighter.


I’m facing a mighty threshold in my life… i don’t know what lays behind it, i know what i wish there could be but I’ve made it so that it now seems I’m gambling in a game I cannot win… somehow I feel like I’m in a chess-mate and I should surrender and leave the board, but although i feel helpless, unable to do anything, i don’t want to leave, i never wanted to leave. I’d rather hug all the board pieces and together start dancing around the fire that we’d make with their weapons. I know… it sounds “queer”…

It may all be in my head, or it may make sense actually… i don’t know anything anymore, then again it feels like maybe I never really knew anything.

There are no rules, this particular threshold I’m not really suppose to pass on my own, it’s existence may very well imply this actually. Perhaps a bit paradoxically, or ironic, not having to pass it on my own is not up to me (not just up to me), so for now it seams that it’s up to me to pass this threshold on my own (although this might render things so that I haven’t really passed any threshold but just got back to where I was, or maybe not). And I do want to pass it, pass and explore the realms beyond it.

bending the un-existing meaning

When you realise that meaning is there only because we put it there, you realize how much you actually control it, you can bend it as you realize that it doesn’t exist really, it doesn’t exist, it doesn’t exist, it doesn’t have to exist, it doesn’t have to please anyone, not me, nor you, nor anyone in particular. It exists because we needed it to make some sense of things, of our selfs, the world around us and of our existence in it.
It did help us a lot, took us a long way and we haven’t finished our journey; with science we’ve found a way to filter the foolish and destructive from the rational and the productive – the creative, the good from the bad… more notions we invented to make things more understandable and livable in the context of our limitation to relate to anything only by giving meaning. Also, of-course with science we’ve realized about how (much of) the world and cosmos works, what everything is made of… knowledge that is always added to, improved and corrected where necessary, knowledge which is what took us so far after all. And that’s good.
But it’s also important to realize the unreal-ness of the meanings we sometimes hold so keenly to, specially when, sometimes it can get overwhelming, out of control. Nothing needs meaning in order to exist, not animals, not plants, lands, waters, planets and suns, galaxies or the Universe. It’s brilliant I think how star stuff transforms into meaning, a construct of our restless, pondering minds, a beautiful and ugly at the same time work of our intellect.

Here’s a “cheers” to meaning and the ability to understand it, project it and let go of it at the same time.

PS. Sort of separate note. Some have, some have a lot, some have too much, some have a little, some barely have any, some don’t have at all (what ever is important for anyone, for any ones existence). But there’s another brilliant notion which actually is rather a behaviour which I think other animals have relealized too, that is SHARING. We can balance anything by realising and starting to do this… knowledge, wisdom, love, understanding, time, protection, money, food, ideas, solutions, lessons learned the hard or the easy way.

“You might say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one”. It’s not a dream. It’s up to each of us, an option between which reality we each choose to live in.

it’s not the same

There are some people trough-out life that make some experiences exceptional and thus set high standards for further similar experiences. Something else that feels less is just not the same… It’s not the same.

Don’t get me wrong. This does not mean that same great feeling or even better are not possible anymore.
It’s just that, it seems you tend to have less patience with something that is especially conspicuously less. It’s a shame in a way because most that is less usually tends to become more but apparently people seem to prefer to continue from somewhere about where they left off and I don’t know if that’s very realistic, at least in some things or cases.

real age

I think I might be on to something for why I’m so

adjective: clumsy, awkward, ungainly, uncouth, gawky, unwieldy, unskilful, lubberly, maladroit, splay, lumpish, artless, hulking, loose, bearish, left-handed

socially. I think it’s because people tent to treat me by my physical age or apparent age. But please, for more efficiency try figuring I’m sometimes 6 years old and other times 17 years old, it will all make sense then. It sure seams that way now.

just a 6 years old with a job and a debit card… world beware

This is not to get me of the hook of social responsibilities, job, taxes, hygiene, environment, social / cultural / moral context. But a perspective that might help both sides, me and everyone else make more of my myself, my potential creativity and any other technical and what ever kind of capabilities I might have

meeting samurai Jack

After hours of turns on the other side of the bed and stares at the window and ceiling and at the lights and shadows on the wall – he finally, slowly can’t keep his eyes open anymore and falls asleep. In his dream, he finds himself in a semi-misty (cartoony) forest, by him self. The light of the sun is just turning orange as the dawn light shades less and less blue all around. He walks towards one of the very high trees as to lean on it and, as he approaches the tree, a silhouette shimmers in the mix of the mist and trees ahead – from the direction of the sun so that rays of light are casting a clearer and clearer shape of a samurai. Gradually he distinguishes the colours and shades of a man that approaches in no hurry; the man has a  white robe, wooden sandals, a sword to his left side, his dark hair caught to the back almost at the top of his head, he has a peaceful and serene look and, although you could not identify a grim, his face was smiling all-together, his dark eyes glimmering as he was looking towards.
He knew this samurai, and although he was aware of the impossibility of meeting him, as he is a fictional cartoon character…  he was not surprised at all, just as he was not surprised that he was in a cartoon world.
The samurai stopped in front of him and greeted him by his name, smiling and bowing his head slightly in sign of acknowledgement and respect. Looking lost and tired he bows back and gestures a sight like a call for help or an admission that he is indeed lost.
They sit down on a wood log and, as they talk, the samurai offers him his consolation, understanding and wisdom, and tells him to not let go of being true to him self and to those around him. They talk for what seems to be hours, gradually he realises he had so many questions to ask the samurai and the samurai answered each question with patience and the same smile and serenity.
Eventually he starts to gradually feel tired and he tells this to the samurai which advices him to lay down and try to get some sleep as he’ll need the energy. The samurai assures him that he’ll remain with him to keep company and watch over till he wakes up. He does so and as he lays down he stares at the samurai which was preparing a fire. Yet again, tired he slowly closes his eyes, the light of the fire slowly dimming and warming his eyes. He wakes up in his bed again.

forget me nots ep. 7 ~ finish what you started

There’s an enthusiasm about new starts – most of the times – I imagine. I remember for my self a joy and serenity in the possibilities that I could see in a new start, be it small or big, professional or personal.
Sometimes those possibilities seam like a huge projection, sometimes I suppose they are. Maybe sometimes specifically because it is a huge projection it gets so bitter when you fail to nourish that projection and the value that it had or could have had.
A feeling of shame can follow, resent, maybe loss of confidence, vulnerability… All of these are things we’ve learned to stay away from, block as much as possible. A survival of the fittest instinct makes us detect these as enemies and apparently we reject the source entirely. We’ve grown skeptic in a way, so much so that we hesitate to believe easily, we fear we’ll make a mistake and be vulnerable again, we fear it’ll be foolish or that others will think we’re foolish and we might loose more then there might be to gain.
So… probably denial or a weird state of tranquility in which we try to focus on something else, preferably something that will help us grow, in this world that promotes the strongest, in this soup à la Darwin, which is totally understandable actually.
Then, I suppose there are other reasons also, less dramatic or melodramatic. Reasons that get us sometimes to not be keen in continuing something, or to realise there’s no sense in continuing something. Sometimes we just don’t know how to continue something, perhaps overwhelmed, perhaps frightened, perhaps bored, perhaps eager to do something else, to find, learn and understand new things, new places. What ever the reasons, one can sometimes leave unfinished things on a shelve with the thought that it’ll be taken care of later or sometime, or by someone else or by itself.

I’m not proud to admit I save several such things on a shelve. And this series is one of them, ironically enough the last episode that I had announced, more then two years ago, had this title set then. I knew.
I realise sometimes it’s difficult to finish some things. But I reckon is better to stay away from developing a habit to not finish things.

A song I love has between the lyrics: “every new beginning comes form some other beginning’s end” (Semisonic – Closing time). While not EVERY new beginning HAS to come from some other beginning’s end, my realisation is that if you don’t really finish something, that possible new beginning might be getting just a part of what you could offer in your attempt to make the most of it, to value it as you might have hoped or projected at one point.

I recommend you check your shelves or perhaps clean your closet sounds more familiar. It can be liberating, sometimes at least. It could be a closure you never had or never offered to someone, an unfinished ensemble of a miniature airplane model, a project, a confession… whatever it is, it can retain un unfinished part of your self. If you’ve realised it’s best unfinished, make it official and leave the shelf free. You might use some more space for things you’re currently focused on, or would probably feel better to change the label by removing the ‘un’ prefix.

opportunity as gaps in our lives

I keep listening to this song lately, it’s addictive. I realised a state of tranquility listening to it while on the road. Was looking at the clouds that seemed to be following me in my journey, and because they were static on my right side and the earth was rapidly moving underneath them and me, it gave an enhanced sensation of the earth’s rotation. I was suddenly realising the motion of the earth in that illusion of actually seeing it spinning under the clouds and under me, as if I and the clouds were running against it’s spinning direction and were more standing in the same point in space while the earth was spinning underneath. And suddenly I had this image of the earth as this big round rock and an image of it spinning around the sun and all together spiralling trough the galaxy cluster, and with it also moving constantly in Cosmos.

Ever since, every-time I listen to this song, also at the office, I keep recalling that image and feeling that way and as a reflex I turn my head to the window and I can almost see the ground moving fast under the clouds which are sometimes barely catching up, other times speeding ahead. And I get in that feeling of being a passenger in a ride, on the road.

I though for a while, what an interesting state that is, on the road. Even if only on the bus for a few minutes commute. Seems like it’s a twilight zone, a space and time where we are letting go of one state.. relaxed perhaps at home, or focused at work. We’re leaving behind perhaps the comfortable bathroom-robe in which had been cleaning up the room while enjoying some jazzy, symphonic or hard rock music – whichever the personality or mood, almost dancing our way trough the room; and we’re taking on the business-suit or whatever other possibly less comfortable clothing might be expected of us where we’re going or whatever we imagine that it’s expected of us, some are even seeing it as putting up “a mask” or a different side of them-selves as they arrive and enter the destination.

So, on the road between the destinations, maybe we re-discover ourselves briefly, remember of other things not connected to where we just left or where we’re just going. Maybe we remember dues, maybe remember dreams, maybe remember loved ones or promises, and as we approach our destination we prepare ourselves for where we’re going, what ever there might be, what ever we expect, what ever others might expect of us, maybe looking forward, maybe hopping for a fast finish, maybe with sorrow, maybe with butterflies in our stomach…

It seems like little gaps in our lives where we have the chance to still choose if we really want to leave the place we left or if we really want to go in the direction we are heading, or an opportunity to ask ourselves “where would I rather this ride to take me?”

our example and influence in the world

We all learn from, and do as, examples in our lives (people, books, movies, plain stories, you name it).
With age we improve our ability to distinguish from good or bad examples (I’d hope), but children just go right ahead and assimilate without that ability to distinguish values. They are developing their ability to explore and understand the world and we all have a big influence on that process.

And actually, this is not only for the children but for everyone. Each of us has the ability to influence others and to be influenced by others.

In this perspective, this video is brilliant and I hope the message will make it’s viewers ponder on it and act aware.

my fortune non-cookies

So last week I found my self in a terrible mood / need for a fortune cookie.
Not sure why, have been pretty unstable lately, having trouble focusing, bit down… well you know, life has such moments too (for most of us – I imagine).

So anyway, I went to a place I knew they had (fortune cookies) and I also though I get a cup of tea as it’s the Demmers Teahouse here in Cluj. But they had no fortune cookies at the time…
Bummed, I went to another place where I like spending time, which I didn’t know if they had, but hopped they did have fortune cookies. They didn’t… Bummed yet again I decided there and then: no matter, I’ll write my own fortune cookies, well, they would not come with any cookies so I decided to call them fortune non-cookies so to not make any false advertisement. And here they are, for any needy soul that finds the usual provider un-ready for the clingy need that they might find them-selves with.

1. Yes you are in an ocean of irrationality, but keep swimming – you have just a bit more to the shore.

2. Feel like running on thin ice? Better slow down, there’s an iceberg ahead named recklessness.

3. Belle and Sebastian say ‘push barman to open old wounds” – that’s push, not punch!

4. Beyond every threshold there can be evolution… it’s up to you!

5. Other people’s foolish games might befuddle you and make want to play your own… DON’T!

6. Steve is right “keep looking, don’t settle” and incidentally double quote: “stay hungry, stay foolish!”

7. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Still, don’t mash your head into that wall…

8. Feel cluttered? Gather everything in one place > throw away the useless > organise.

9. Don’t understand something? There’s always the dictionary and/or Wikipedia. It’s often that easy.

10. The rabbit’s hole might go just as deep as you dig it… don’t you want to reach for the sky instead?

11. You may presume things about people or events, but remember: “presuming is the mother of all f@ck-ups”.

12. If you don’t have truth/honesty at the basis of your values, your other values might just be false.

13. One seams full of shit? Discreetly tell. It can be there where you thought or on your own lap. Awareness is good.

14. More then hearing, listen; more then seeing, observe; more then understanding what, understand why ~ Full-mindedly.

15. Trapped by dragon of own making? Set yourself free. Captain Planet said: “the power is yours”. Use courage to slay!

16. Enjoy NOW, you might not live in the future. But wisely as much as possible – remember moderation at least now and then. Future you will thank you in both cases.

17. Realise your thresholds and leave them behind.

18.Failing to unfold your feelings and actions in the right order your intentions might not be known or believed…

Added after 3 years (I have more scattered in notes, but this one is a must, one of my favourites).

19.Remember Gandhi, and align what you think with what you say and what you do. It’s confusing and quite unfair otherwise, specially for yourself.

Later, experimental addition:

20. “Do what you gotta do”, but investigate first to reduce your chances of being mislead about what it is that needs/has to be done.

Even later addition:

21. Let your prefrontal guide you. Do what ever your giant cerebral-cortex tells you it’s worth it. Try not to cheat on/lie to your hypothalamus.

22. Trying your best has momentary thresholds, it’s actually a very elastic capacity – expanding as you exercise it… you’d be surprised

23. They say, and I’ve seen, how the small things have the power to make something wonderful in most meaningful ways, I’m also understanding how small things can easily create great misunderstanding and confusion.

24.Time can make things sweeter or bitter, but we’re the cooks.

little version of a guide to finding yourself

It’s been a while since I tried to think in rhymes. Here’s an unfinished such thought.

Look behind you!
If you let everything go

and just stare at your life’s ground as if it was snow,
You might realise how bits of you left footprints in it’s glow.

Now look a bit around you…
Look up, look down, look left, look right,
Look at your surroundings – see them trough day and night…
And shining trough the darkness,

And gliding trough the light,
You find those pieces of you holding together tight.

confession 17

One summer day, just after I had turned 17 years old, I had this though that if it were possible to choose an age to which to remain forever, it would be 17.

I feel the same.

supposed truth about two plus two

I’m sorry, it seams i’m unable to put two and two together. I suppose that’s because i see two and two but there seams to also be a times 3, or is it times four? And do I also see divided to two again? Why the division?
Or is it just two plus two? Oh, it’s a minus? I don’t know!! I’m going mad!

Why can’t people just talk about this sort of things, help them-selves rid of all that’s only in their mind and value or deal with only what’s really there? Is there anything there? Sometimes the desire or need for there to be something (specially something in particular) can make one see it there even if it’s not, and then again, sometimes the fear of vulnerability and lack of confidence can make one think there’s nothing there even if there actually is..

It all ads up to some freaky comedy of life where simple truths can be torn and made into monsters of our fear of vulnerability and of loosing the state of the comfortable world that some have worked so hard to get to and keep it this comfortable.

And I suppose that’s a reason we don’t just say stuff, why we don’t just talk about some things, isn’t it? Vulnerability, fear of failure, of going trough things or making others go trough things, of being misunderstood, or of realizing delusion..

And to top it all, because of all this maddens one can just give up.. discouraged by the implications brought by natural selection in all this shadows reading unwanted exercise to which time is nothing but curly making people move on or go slightly mad.

But it could all be so simple, if we just said what’s on our minds, fully and truthfully.. after that, it could be either so very good, either the truth will hurt.. but it’ll be the truth, it will help us know better, be better, move on..

One more thing: nothing HAS to be sacrificed, or given up on. No one HAS to do anything or to stop doing anything. It seams like a matter of choice, but it doesn’t HAVE to be a mater of choice, one can have them all, and I mean ALL. And actually by ‘one’, I mean two can have it all too, nothing HAS to be lost, nothing HAS to be given up on.
And yes, by two plus two I actually mean one plus one.


I suppose we mostly know what we want, it’s a such a conspicuous contrast of our desires.. what we need though.. can be like an equation to which we don’t always know or understand all of the parameters..


the night and the wonder after sorrow

End of chapter 10 from ‘Three man in a boat’ by Jermoe K. Jerome.

“The boat seemed stuffy, and my head ached; so I thought I would step out into the cool night-air. I slipped on what clothes I could find about – some of my own, and some of George’s and Harris’s – and crept under the canvas on to the bank. It was a glorious night. The moon had sunk, and left the quiet earth alone with the stars. It seemed as if, in the silence and the hush, while we her children slept, they were talking with her, their sister – conversing of mighty mysteries in voices too vast and deep for childish human ears to catch the sound. They awe us, these strange stars, so cold, so clear. We are as children whose small feet have strayed into some dim-lit temple of the god they have been taught to worship but know not; and, standing where the echoing dome spans the long vista of the shadowy light, glance up, half hoping, half afraid to see some awful vision hovering there. And yet it seems so full of comfort and of strength, the night. In its great presence, our small sorrows creep away, ashamed. The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and of bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained faces up to hers, and smiles; and, though she does not speak, we know what she would say, and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone. Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night’s heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far away beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God. Only those who have worn the crown of suffering can look upon that wondrous light; and they, when they return, may not speak of it, or tell the mystery they know.

Once upon a time, through a strange country, there rode some goodly knights, and their path lay by a deep wood, where tangled briars grew very thick and strong, and tore the flesh of them that lost their way therein. And the leaves of the trees that grew in the wood were very dark and thick, so that no ray of light came through the branches to lighten the gloom and sadness. And, as they passed by that dark wood, one knight of those that rode, missing his comrades, wandered far away, and returned to them no more; and they, sorely grieving, rode on without him, mourning him as one dead. Now, when they reached the fair castle towards which they had been journeying, they stayed there many days, and made merry; and one night, as they sat in cheerful ease around the logs that burned in the great hall, and drank a loving measure, there came the comrade they had lost, and greeted them. His clothes were ragged, like a beggar’s, and many sad wounds were on his sweet flesh, but upon his face there shone a great radiance of deep joy. And they questioned him, asking him what had befallen him: and he told them how in the dark wood he had lost his way, and had wandered many days and nights, till, torn and bleeding, he had lain him down to die. Then, when he was nigh unto death, low through the savage gloom there came to him a stately maiden, and took him by the hand and led him on through devious paths, unknown to any man, until upon the darkness of the wood there dawned a light such as the light of day was unto but as a little lamp unto the sun; and, in that wondrous light, our way-worn knight saw as in a dream a vision, and so glorious, so fair the vision seemed, that of his bleeding wounds he thought no more, but stood as one entranced, whose joy is deep as is the sea, whereof no man can tell the depth. And the vision faded, and the knight, kneeling upon the ground, thanked the good saint who into that sad wood had strayed his steps, so he had seen the vision that lay there hid. And the name of the dark forest was Sorrow; but of the vision that the good knight saw therein we may not speak nor tell.”