I love you, ..brother, ..friend, ..world. I’m sorry I don’t tell or show you this. I do.
I want to tell you that I do care. I always did. I seam to not know how to let you know. How to communicate to you.
Sometimes I don’t know any better, I’m no stranger to ignorance and procrastination either.
But I also want to tell you that I’ve changed.. I guess I’ve always been changing a bit, learning a bit, realizing a bit. I’ve always wanted to improve.. I guess because I’ve always seen a need to improve my self. I keep realizing mistakes that I’ve done, and try to value the lessons learned. I’ve been careless.. too careless. I’m sorry, i realize at times I’ve let down, probably at times in a shocking way.
I know I’ve still got a long way to go. Maybe we all have. I feel that I have to catch up sometimes. And sometimes I know that’s true.
I’ve been undecided, I’ve been irresponsible, i had let my self go. I’ve created expectations and have disappointed. I know I’ve also had success, I don’t remember the average but I remember the particular times that I regret disappointing. I could have done better.
You’ll probably still have to bare with me sometimes. If that happens, again, I hope you’ll help me see that I’m worth it. We all are. I know we can do wonderful things and have a great time together.
Please let me know of my faults so that I can improve and look you in the eye with opened mind and honesty. I might be difficult, stubborn, maybe in denial. Build your arguments around my feedback if it’s contradictory, I’ll try to do the same. Thank you for your effort to not let hasty reactions be an impediment for improvement.
Sometimes it’s difficult to make a choice.
Here’s an easy way, and don’t hurry with the reaction.
Flip a coin! Only one time! I’m not saying that you should follow the result cause that’s it, but notice your reaction after the supposed decision was made by the coin flip..
It will tell you what you really want – by the joy that it was what you wanted or the disappointment that it wasn’t.
PS. This doesn’t assure the decision is the best thing for you, the most moral or rational or such, but it should tell you what you really want. Flip the coin again if you want to check morality, hopefully your consciousness will tell you the truth.
I’ve finally begun writing this post. It’s about a year later then I would have liked it to be and I’m not proud of it. It’s been all sorts of stuff keeping me from doing it. I suppose procrastination is one of them. Ever since I’ve learned about this word ‘procrastination’ I’ve managed on one hand to realize the damage it can do, and sadly it has done, and on the other hand I’ve recognized the.. sometimes meditative – sometimes creative results that followed it.
I find meditation and creativity to be some of the most important things that can better and shape our lives. But another such important thing is action. I’m comming to believe that with out it, meditation and creativity are.. meaningless. But that’s another talk.
Although the time was productive, creative, inspiring, insightfull, informative, energizing in a tired moment; I often remember there was something else I said to my self (and possibly others) that I would do.
It’s not the things I’m obliged to do for someone else, the kind of things you’d find in a contract or agreement. I’m trying to be as prompt as I can with those. But it’s the personal things.. something I want to do, planned to, maybe even dreamed of doing, maybe something I realized I should do or promised my self that I would do..
In a way the contracts and official agreements can get to be an easy excuse for procrastination. Some could tend to forget that, as it is for most, contracted effort usually has a personal scope that is not written in the contract / agreement. Such would be the paradox of working so hard to have money to do what ever you want that it takes ones time and energy so that one doesn’t get to do anything else but work. I hope that’s not a common situation.
It seams starting means trying.. I’m not sure what’s really keeping us from trying.. the fear of failure, of the shame of failure, the vulnerability of the exposure..
What ever it is, I’ve started to realize the importance of trying. By trying I can find the value in it or the flaws of it, I can gain the benefit or learn the lesson it can bring.. I only have to lose by remaining hung-up with anything. Sure it’s good to prepare, investigate, ask for advice or more perspectives, but don’t get stuck. Triying can help you even if you fail, you’ll benefit from the experience in your next try and will be able to move to the next thing.
Think I’ll learn more from sharing these thoughts then keeping them for my self. Even without feedback, I seam to come back to what I write in here with a more objective perspective second or third time around.. although outside thoughts are way more productive. Add a title “personal” to the comment if you want to share an unpublished thought (all comments are moderated).
Thanks for your patience if you’ve made it so far.
I would like to use Buddha’s learnings. (extracted from Popular Deities of Chinese Buddhism)
The Buddha asked a monk who was reciting a sutra:
‘How did you find it when the strings were too loose?
No sound is possible. was the reply.
How when the strings were too tight?
How when they were neither too tight nor too loose?
Every note sounds in its proper tone.’
In this sense the title of the post is referring to the middle
way path. This middle way path is left for interpretation because people have different notions of extremes. If you’re not sure which would be the middle way, consider what would be the extremes of your situations. Then consider the actions which would most likely not get you anywhere near the negative extreme. Also start to ask if the positive extreme is not deluded, if it’s healthy or if it’s actually what you want.
It’s known that most things are more enjoyable when done occasionally then say every day or several times a day. That is because with most of the things it starts to be a routine and new interesting things in contrast to routine interesting things are usually more appreciated. Staying off for a while – missing the activity, you build anticipation and that then leads to enjoying the next experience in a more full minded way.
Still this perspective can lead in another extreme. So many times when people try to stay away from an extreme, they tend to go to another extreme, it seams some people have binary consciousness, I guess it’s easier to identify extremes, specially negative ones, because these are most popularized (unfortunately).
“Middle Path” may be misunderstood as equivocal. In fact Buddhism is not as such. “Middle” means neutral, upright, and centered. It means to investigate and penetrate the core of life and all things with an upright, unbiased attitude. In order to solve a problem, we should position ourselves on neutral, upright and unbiased ground. We investigate the problem from various angles, analyze the findings, understand the truth thoroughly, and find a reasonable conclusion.
Update2. Actually do look at this possible positive extreme, you might find it is what you want, it’s healthy to want the best for your self and others thus this positive extreme is worth exploring to the maximum, that is probably where we all want to get, and we all deserve it. Do mind the delusion but mind it in a sense where you realize difficulties and get prepared, many or most things, like Rome, are not build in a day (or easily).
Pete is an imaginary friend of a schizophrenic person, a fictive character that has not his creator’s faults, he’s always mentioned in some situations that ‘he would have known better’ and ‘realized better’ and ‘done better’, ‘done the right thing’ and so on; ..so much so that, although the others do realize that Pete is a fiction of his imagination – some start to look up to him.
Bob and Jim are sitting on the doc with the feet in the water, just staring at the water, stars and moon. Sounds of the night are clearly heard now and then breaking a contrast in the very mute atmosphere.
After a while, in which both were jut gazing straight ahead, Jim moves his sight a little towards the moon first, then at Bob, then ahead again, and – like realizing something, turns again to Bob:
Jim – Bob?
Bob – Yes?
J.– Would you be Pete?
Bob, turning his head just a bit and looking slightly in another direction to think, says after a while:
B.– I don’t know.. it depends..
J.– On what?
B.– (Turning his head a bit again) Well.. is he rich?
J.–(After pondering a bit) Suppose he is..
B.– Way richer the me or just a bit rich..?
J.– Suppose way richer..
B.– Is he athletic..? I mean the silhouette.. you know?
B.– I don’t mean if he’s very sport-ish or muscle packed but.. you know, if he’s fit enough.. like, not looking like a slob or anything.. not fat or thin as a reed, but also with some shape in his body..
J.– Well, say he’s athletic, you know, got the muscles but just the right amount.. nothing too fancy but.. just enough.
B.– And the face? Is he handsome?
J.– Yeah, he’s handsome.
B.– – More hansom then me?
J.– Well.. would you like him to be?
B.– (thinking a bit) Dono’..
J.– Say he’s just the right way you’d appreciate it the most.. you know.. like.. just so much more or the same amount of hansom.. -ness as you’d like him to be..
B.– And he’s smart yes? I mean, he knows things, read a lot and.. stuff..
J.– Aahh, yes! He’s the smartest, very sharp mind indeed, very vigilant..
B.– Well.. I wouldn’t mind being Pete then.. wouldn’t be so bad I suppose.. might actually enjoy it I think.. at lest for a while you know.. to see what it’s like, you know? .. to be Pete..
Both are silent for a few seconds. Then Bob continuing;
B.– I mean wouldn’t you?
J.– (after taking his time) I dono’..
B.– I mean if he’s way richer.. and still down to earth, and.. and a good fellow, and all clean and mannered..
Jim doesn’t answer and Bob looks surprised, and in a way trying to justify him self,:
B.– Wouldn’t you? I mean.. say he’d have it all, all you can want, be all you would like to be..
Jim still seems in doubt and doesn’t answer.
B.– Well? Would you? (like a cry for solidarity)
J.– It’s true I suppose.. I do have a lot of things that I.. could have done better.. ways I could have been better I suppose.. I have done many mistakes.. I guess because I did’t know any better or.. because I was distracted by other things.. there are still so many things I don’t know, that I.. wish I knew. Somehow it seams I just can’t wrap my mind around all of these things..
It’s silence for a few seconds when Jim suddenly continues
J.– But there’s nothing like being with my baby.. somehow I don’t see Pete with my baby.. the thought disturbs me. It’d be like cheating or taking an undeserved shortcut.. But then I think we have our own version of Pete, a better us, to which we try to head towards and gradually become.
B.– Well.. it was just a hypothetical question (getting upset like a child almost about to cry out, offended), I mean you started and asked me in the first place!
Again a few seconds of silence when Bob looks upset at Jim which keeps staring at the water. Suddenly Bob, upset stands up and leaves after exclaiming upset:
B.– You twat!
Actually I was fluctuating between different endings in Jim’s answer. I’m not happy with this current ending. In one of the versions Jim gets jealous on Pete (left a bit of possible interpretation but barely) and starts to feel insecure. In another version he realizes he doesn’t want to be anything like Pete but I did not want to portray a man who is conscious enough to think that ignorance could be a bliss and also accept it as his fate. I’ll possibly update the ending. But it will still be with Bob getting upset and leaving, just that now, his reason for being upset and calling Jim a twat is not obvious or well build.
From that interview I extracted only Carl Sagan’s answer to: How does creativity operate?, along with another excerpt to which he refers in his answer – and the relevant context of that excerpt, all chronologically.
Q [..] …an agenda for the future?
“C.S. My sense is that the scientific way of thinking, questioning.. some delicate mix of creative encouragement of new ideas and the most rigorous and skeptical scrutiny of new and old ideas, I think that is the path to the future, not just for science but for all human institutions. We have to be willing to challenge because we are in desperate need of change.
[..]Q. You said science should be skeptical of politics, don’t you think we should be skeptical about science too? I mean can we trust you guys?
C.S. I think you should definitely be skeptical, but my view is that there is no community of people on the planet more skeptical then scientists, it’s our stocking trade, it’s the live blood of our subject.
[..]Q. The question of creativity, which fascinates me.. [..] how in fact does it operate? [..]
C.S. This issue of where creativity comes from.. I share your fascination with it. I don’t think we understand very much about it.. My practice is merely to respect my unconscious mind, who often is much wiser then the conscious part of me.. and pay attention to what it says. In fact I think this is connected to that delicate tension at the heart of the scientific method I talked about before, the unconscious mind proposes a range of possibilities and the conscious mind disposes – that is compares those ideas with the real world, checks for internal inconsistencies and so on. I think the creative process is a partnership between a conscious and an unconscious part of our minds, at least that’s how it seams to me.“
See the whole interview here.
“- You see, we all can be the master of our selves, in control and aware, pure if you like. We just have to give up on the things that hurt us, that destroy us.. he says looking at the cigarette and then slowly taking a smoke. But we can’t.. we’re addicted, we’re the slaves of our own ignorance, the pawns of our own self destructing plan, following it blindly.. Although! (after suddenly reducing intensity of speech) at times we realize, we know.. Some just can’t live with the self that they have become, that has been affected and build by the path they find them selves on.. and let go into ignorance.. apathy, surrender to the sweet immediate reward, (a sudden rise of intensity, exclaiming) the instant gratification! why get your self all beat up in tiredness and compromises when in one day! you can be the king of procrastination, the lord of Bohemia! You feel full power over your self and stand naked in the middle of your living room with Tchaikovsky floating all around you and over saturating every cell of your eardrum when, in a high peak, while neighbors are hitting on your walls and shouting, you roar: “I don’t give a fuck!”.. and feeel soooo freee.. (he said slowly, enjoying the moment in a sudden stop from adrenalin, but after another second a bitter realisation is reflected in his suddenly dimmed face).. Of-course.. the day passes.. and you find your self in the morning making re-acquaintance with your life, (starting an expression of discontent like hatred towards that discouraging moment of re-acquaintance) which it felt so good to just ditch!.. and enjoy tranquility.. it almost feels right to make the same choice this next day too.”
PS. I just find my self imagining these kinds of dialogs or monologues after experiencing or witnessing intense emotions, sometimes it’s something I see on the street or anywhere outside, reading something (not as often as I would like), hearing someone’s own story or remembering moments of intense feelings or situations. Another often occasion is after seeing a movie. And in this above paragraph in particular it was after seeing “Black Swan” – still, it has nothing to do with the movie’s story.
Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan in an interview about their book: “Shadows Of Forgotten Ancestors“, at the end of the interview are asked regarding their religious belief and they answer:
Carl Sagan “I’m an independent in religion as in politics. I am a searcher, but I have high standards of evidence.”
Ann Druyan “This is my idea of what the highest form of piety is:
In a universe as vast as ours, as ancient as ours, with beings as young and foolish and ignorant as we are, to say that we know what God is or how this universe came to be, is a form of arrogance which I do not subscribe to.”
Because I did not know about her, I looked up for more videos with Ann Druyan and found a jolly:
Ann Druyan – A Plead for a Change in the Marijuana Laws.
Looking for some more reference to their book, I found the magicians debunk-er James Randi Speaking about Carl Sagan. While I was at it, Mr. Randi has a charismatic way of speaking his opinions about interesting – important matters, so I found him also: Questioning the Bible, and asking “Why Do We Still Believe?“
Last episode I mentioned extremes and, ironically, this title could head you on a slippery path that could diverge you to one of these extremes, the one where – if you take too much time – you could end up loosing time – chances.
It’s true, you can slip on this path, but for some people – me included, it’s a path worth considering. But I am aware or try to keep awareness of the slipperiness of it, actually I’ll have some episodes about extremes. This gives me the occasion to announce the next episodes:
– Forget Me Nots Ep. 5 ~ Find & mind the extremes!
– Forget Me Nots Ep. 6 ~ Begin! Be there!
– Forget Me Nots Ep. 7 ~ Finish what you started!
But back to taking our time. Sometimes, some people seem to be doing things just to get over with them. This attitude sometimes comes after loosing enthusiasm or when enthusiasm is for something else and thus your head is drifting from what you are doing, often resulting in pour results.. Sometimes we get to some tasks in life, be them professional or not – but I suppose they are mostly professional, which we just want to get over with, fast.
In a way, if there’s no enthusiasm then that thing is not of importance to you and I can relate to that, unfortunately. But mind you that you are never the less responsible for it, it too will be your recommendation, the reflection of your abilities, a part of your evolution, it will be regarded as one of your approved – finished.. whatever it is. So don’t hurry too much on whatever you loose enthusiasm or have no enthusiasm for but are doing never the less.
But even with enthusiasm, because of the enthusiasm some tend to get all excited and an up-beat rhythm, sometimes the thrill of it can distract from paying attention to details; and sometimes important such details can make the difference between a winner or a deal-beaker. Unfortunate how some people don’t have the patience – don’t take the time, due to enthusiasm, to consider context, momentum, and sometimes miss out on great potential. If only we would realise and exercise more patience and awareness for details, and aknowledge the ease in wich enthusiastm can make us impulsive.
This is a thing that I’m sometimes so obsessed with and never-the-less sometimes I manage to neglect. Grammar and spelling is indeed very important, it reflects on one side your capability to focus and your attention to details, but on another side, because of the effort that you made or did not make it also reflects your attitude – responsibility and care about what-ever you are doing – writing about.
Never-the-less, I have always thought that the content is way more important, and is more ignorant to ignore a good content or have a lower attitude towards it because of such mistakes. These days our focus is spread in multitasking like never before, there are tons of visual, audible or plain psychological distractions. These do not affect us just Â directly whenever we might find ourselves typing, but can easily contribute to tiredness which again isn’t so productive for our focusing capabilities.
I suppose we are adapting creatures, and it is a sort of survival of the fittest one way or another. Technology is helping us with auto-correction but it can fail, I don’t always want to write “i donut kink munch about it” (that phrase did not get corrected – wasn’t underlined). But specially if it’s something that will be public, do take the time and do it right.
Do realize that there are two extremes in this: on one side you can miss important moments or opportunities by not expressing yourself as directly and fast as possible or at all – I’m saying this because in many things it’s a competition out there and the one that’s first is favored; but also the one that is best is favored and so on the other side – not realizing what you actually express and how you express it can have an unfavorable outcome.
This perspective and these extremes are important not only for the stuff we write, but also for things we say or for behaviour we have, choices we make; it comes as an incentive to think before we talk or act – exchanging perspectives (hats or shoes or roles with the others involved, or with the world like Kant would suggest – how ever helps), using critical thinking / skepticism too / questioning everything – including our own premises / conclusions.
Of-course, there’s more.
This is a challenge for me, a challenge I must take > pass > and only remember in laughter that I was once like this.
Imagine this post was like two or three screen scrolls long(er). Those that are closest to me maybe would have had the patience to read it entirely or at all.Â Actually, looking back at my old long mails, post or memos, etc – I my self do not have the patience or the time to read them.
Now indeed it gets that long because, in my case, I don’t want to miss anything out and try to make sure it’s all clear. But it’s not efficient, the message is notÂ received – not evaluated, no feedback / reply – it’s literally into the void. Sure sometimes it makes sense, like when you are writing a book I suppose; but most of the times it’s just wasting what could be a possibility to share, get evaluated, evolve.
What can be done? On one hand: attention on details is good, so if you do have the time to write the whole thing do it. But if you want to share or get evaluated, give only the essential and let people know there’s more if they want it. That’s the solution I found for my self for now anyway.
Here’s an example, instead of a long post on time management (it applies in content management too):
“Collect all in one place > Choose the essential > Eliminate the rest > Organize the remaining”
Got any other perspectives / solutions? (appreciate it)
PS. There’s more.
I wrote on twitter, recently, a memo that was meant for my self more then anything. It was like this:
” Forget-me nots. Ep.1 (i prefer the w3c one) W3C_and_Internet_Explorer_box_models.png “
and that made the first of what I’m thinking of making a series of important memos and also lessons learned the hard way which should not be forgotten.
Up next, when I’ll have some time, will be three episodes:
“Forget Me Nots Ep. 2 – Keep it Short / Simple !!”
“Forget Me Nots Ep. 3 – Proofreading, proofreading, proofreading !!”
“Forget Me Nots Ep.4 – Don’t hurry!! Take the time!”
I know it’s a good idea to do this series for my self, maybe not only for my self. Do drop any feedback, thanks.
“I love to disturb people, because only by disturbing them can I make them think. They have stopped thinking for centuries. Nobody has been there to disturb them. People have been consoling them. I am not going to console anybody, because the more you console them, the more retarded they remain.
Disturb them, shock them, hit them hard, give them a challenge. That challenge will bring their capacities to the climax.”
I’m a freelancer by the way, in case anybody out there didn’t notice. I’d like to think I can do graphic designs and web development (at some level). My portfolio is having a little face-lift, I’m almost done with it. See the active online version here:
Or see the new to be version at http://adrianradic.com/v2/ .
By the way, any impressions are welcome. Also, my resume is here.
I’m sorry I didn’t pass by here lately. I didn’t really disappear, i was just.. in the forth dimension :-)
Here’s a drawing I managed to make in Illustrator to explain the 4th dimension. I just followed the guides from this clip
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccws454YiVM&feature=related ), mind you that in that clip there was a little error and they made a second one for it ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pRZCoWY6TU&feature=related ).
I’m thinking of keeping “ARM” as the label of my gallery and projects.
It started as a personal fool-around as these are our initials but I started to like it and now am thinking of transforming it into “ARM – the long arm of creativity” (diverging from “the long arm of justice, and later to play with it like “lending a helping arm” and maybe even visual play like with Michelangelo’s ‘Creation of Adam’ ( http://images.google.com/images?q=creation%20michelangelo ).
I’d license this in the states too (if it isn’t already) but have no ways or funds or knowledge of the necessary for getting anywhere near to it.
Anyone in interested in such a professional adventure?
Here’s the dream behind it: building an international multimedia / advertising studio where creatives collaborate and are offered opportunities, as I could use one now, this studio would offer intern-ship opportunities and several scholarships to people that are talented but with financial / social difficulties, maybe even courses and/or motivational creative contests.
It seams now like a long way to the end of the tunnel I seam to be in, but here it is.
Hmm, i did not think of creative commons for this idea. I wonder if this post could count as evidence of initiative. Could it?
Here’s a ( c ) :-)
But actually, the more studios or agencies would do this the better, probably some already do and that’s great, congratulations! So the creative common would be for “the long arm of creativity”, now that’s a keeper.
I’ve finally got to spend some time to make some improvements on the blog. A bit under the hood but also little Usability bits.
I have been asking for feedback on the gallery for some time and it’s sailing for a while now. See it on the root of this server (finally updated the personal page). The gallery contains five sections: photography, video & animation, id, web design, drawings & others.
It’s time for improvements on my professional world. Time to make new connections and improve the valuable current or old ones. I’m opened and looking forward to collaborations, project proposals and so on. In this perspective I have to tell you about my resume.
About my resume. I must admit I started from a pretty low point. At one time, about 5 or almost 6 years ago my way of presenting my self was kind of embarrassing. And in this perspective I realize I can never thank Mircea Dragoi enough for giving me a reality check feedback back then. But let’s see if I have evolved since then. Below you can find my resume in both English and Romanian.
ro ~ Curriculul Vitae
en ~ Resume
So there’s my portfolio and resume. With these in mind, if there’s an awesome job or project laying around, I’d like a new opportunity for a reality check which would only lead me to progress.
PS. The Romanian resume is a bit unusual, but so far it got a lot of attention and landed me in many interviews, specially that I did not even apply to. At that time I was too comfortable with my current job. Just a heads up.
Author: Rob Bryanton. More info at http://www.tenthdimension.com/
I know you all probably know of this song and clip, actually I think I’ve seen the clip on Discovery myself but forgot about it (no Tv but occasionally for years now), but as I rediscovered it at dalinku.ro i just had to share it and make it personal, here it is. (At daliku.ro is another version of it.)
Mr. Genndy Tartakovsky, I know you’re probably busy with Iron Man II, and/or other things too, but we’re looking forward too see Jack again.
Love your creation! But please complete it.
All the best,
Ellen Lupton – D. I. Y. Design It Yourself lecture (2006, University of Arizona)
“[..] one of the things we learn about typographic rules, that you learn the rules and you understand the why behind them, and once in a while you find that it’s OK to brake them, but you brake them from a position of knowledge, not ignorance.”
I think we can all agree that this is true not just for typography, but all other aspects of design and usability, not just letters (with font faces, heights, wights, so on) but also the actual text / paragraphs (with alignment, line – letter or paragraph spacing and so on) or other spacing, dividing, aligning, sizing of composition elements that make symmetry and/or actual sense by contrasting with height or weight on a greed or with color.
Such rules imply indeed symmetry and/or consistence and avoidance of clutter of elements (not just physical elements like paragraphs of graphic elements but also clutter of font types or colors. Why are these bad? The purpose for avoiding these is one of the main and most important objectives in a good design, that is clarity and ease of accessibility of the actual information that the content brings.
Here is Ellen Lupton’s “Thinking With Type” dedicated site, and below is the lecture from which I extracted the quote.
He has a flowering spade
Growing out of his chest
Full of magic and healing
She is a flowering spade
As she moves and she sways
You can see that she feels it
She’s off to dance with the goat boys
He’s of to sail through your wide open ocean
She learned to sing from a siren
He learned to swim from a drop in the water
There are words there are signs
Close your eyes there is magic inside you
Hear this box in your mind
building frames for to trace your desires
She learned to cook from a sailor
He learned to cry in an elephant circus
She found a recipe for flying
He’s growing flowers to understand dying
Oh ma na na…
Q. How do you know when it’s been too long since you’ve updated you blog?
A. When you can’t remember your password and have to use the “Forgot my password” link.
This is a first.