[5.sptember.2005]
Lets make things new! We're going to Iasi, I'm now looking for a job there, have updated my portfolio (it's not under construction anymore, although it could be way more complete - I have nothing on the print side ilustrated or detailed).
Even more I made an RSS feed file so everyone can be kept up to date with my latest news (for this english page).

[12.april.2005]
Things are new, world is how you make it and if you don't make it full of new things then, like i said: it's how you make it. So there. I'm finally working on my world (and i hope this lasts longer then my usual full of excitment decizions and first steps).

There for, I'm getting organised. Finally adding the date to my notes here and even sorting them so that the new ones are on top. I find it my self AMAZING : ) and that's not all.

I finally made my own blog. Find more about how i am and what's around me updated much more often then this "what's new" page. Only thing is that it is in romanian, then agin i'm romanian too so i guess it figures. Here is the address:

http://jurnal.adrianradic.com

O, and also I am to get a job this month (now waiting for answer).

[1.march.2005]
After all said about us below.. I'm living with everyday my newer life, might sound stange but i really want to make it this time. No more complaining, hidding behind my self, explainings, no more monkey bussines. In other news, or more likely in the same news: I'm looking for a job. I'm an unemployed graphic designer full of desire to express, learn how to express better and looking forward in helping to express trough digital or printed image.

Soon we (me and Monica) will have a full year since together and again ater all mentioned above.. we're closer and closer to being as good is it gets (with NO compromises, repressing) and learning to be better. Some things around might not be as white as we would like to be (nothing to do with race - but symbol) but that don't mean we should change, we will not change into what's around and (although some things from around feel very unfair - grays fadeing into black) do not ask for things around to change into un (though we would like a better world - specially our world) but we ask for acceptance and considerence before any apreciation). An entire year will be passed in the 8th of march, and we hope for all the years more.. to tell you the truth I'm nervous, I hope i'll find my words when we'll need them. Some of my ambiguity hasn't changed i guess.

It seams to be time for a new my world order. Actually it’s been like that for some time now, it’s like a bad Sunday morning accident waiting to happen, I can’t really aspect it otherwise then accident the way things look foe me right now.. actually the way I made things look. Yeah, I did it, we’re all doing it to our selves if we admit it or not, doesn’t matter if you had a tuff childhood or never really knew how to stand up for your self..

Anyway, nothing’s really new, one said ”there's nothing new under the sun”, I don't really like that line but I guess it might as well be, wish it were but some place ells. My plans are the same and seam to be going nowhere. It's easy to plan the following of one’s mind but in the end very hard to actually follow if you feel like something is missing. Don't try to make any sense of all this, if it doesn’t make any sense then it just doesn’t make any sense. But hopefully times for one's being change and so he would change from full of .. to actually making sense, and the world would be that much better of.

And even newer, I finally have no more excuses, nothing to hide behind and say that is more important, or at least more important right now, I'm finally facing responsibility. What can I tell you, I'm completely lost, feel like a complete failure of a human being and am probably going trough any crisis you could think of: age, personality, what ever - you name it. Come to think of it I probably would have felt better right now if I'd been born girl, though at least one thing is sure, since I am male, I do only like females and it seams the only thing I could tell you for certain from the things that should be ones world - my world.

I'm now seeing Monica. She's a 'this year to be' 18 years old girl which seams to actually make me feel good; not quite finally in peace with my above mentioned state but.. she brings some sense. Still I'm afraid I'll screw up again and only the attitude from this fear might just do exactly that. Still it's so nice, she's so nice, a bit boyish and with childish moods (my favorite side).

Here's a picture of us, this is how I like us. My longest relationship and even though, I still fear to lose the.. magic, which is captured in this picture.
 

Over 3 months and am still with Monica. I don't really know what to say. Now I've also got lots to work for my self this time, not voluntair as most of latest projects, but the only thing is that I don't have a computer. I will get one if all goes well with one of the projects but it's starting to be under the question mark cause I can't get on the job.. a such a long story with this "where I can work on my projects" and now it seams to be getting too old. Still, somehow I couldn't care less about the projects, I just want to stay cool with Monica and I know everything else will work out just fine. Thing with us seams to be that somewhere we're not quite synchronising (if that is how you spell it), I have my gremlins to get over and I can't believe that after all this time I still can not gather my self to be the (at least) "ok guy" that I seamd to be when I was alone or did not care that much (word seamas to be that I give quite ok first and any time impressinons otherwise, but with her I just loose my self, can't really explain it, specialy after 3 months and few days. But I hope we'll be just as in the upper picture "all the time" as soon.

I must give up, all my strenght feels gone, and God will remain to carry me to my just deservs. I'm sorry, I dreamed maybe too much, maybe I don't really know what it means, probably. Maybe I tried too hard, I must have realised more, so much need. Ambiguos?

I was hopeing to write something new, it's been a couple of months or so since the last paragraph.. for a moment I thought I was going to give you good news, great news, that all is so well and it couldn't be better, but somehow I've managed to end up in the same paragraph and make this one a denial of "No news is good news". Still it's all going on fordward and there are so many good things around: my brother is one of the newest dads, their child is a pretty and healthy boy, and his name is Luca. Long live Luca! the first child of Gabi & Mimi Radic, born on 30 august 2004, what a happy day!