AR ~ Adrian Radic

We all learn from, and do as, examples in our lives (people, books, movies, plain stories, you name it).
With age we improve our ability to distinguish from good or bad examples (I’d hope), but children just go right ahead and assimilate without that ability to distinguish values. They are developing their ability to explore and understand the world and we all have a big influence on that process.

And actually, this is not only for the children but for everyone. Each of us has the ability to influence others and to be influenced by others.

In this perspective, this video is brilliant and I hope the message will make it’s viewers ponder on it and act aware.

One summer day, just after I had turned 17 years old, I had this though that if it were possible to choose an age to which to remain forever, it would be 17.

I feel the same.

I’m sorry, it seams i’m unable to put two and two together. I suppose that’s because i see two and two but there seams to also be a times 3, or is it times four? And do I also see divided to two again? Why the division?
Or is it just two plus two? Oh, it’s a minus? I don’t know!! I’m going mad!

Why can’t people just talk about this sort of things, help them-selves rid of all that’s only in their mind and value or deal with only what’s really there? Is there anything there? Sometimes the desire or need for there to be something (specially something in particular) can make one see it there even if it’s not, and then again, sometimes the fear of vulnerability and lack of confidence can make one think there’s nothing there even if there actually is..

It all ads up to some freaky comedy of life where simple truths can be torn and made into monsters of our fear of vulnerability and of loosing the state of the comfortable world that some have worked so hard to get to and keep it this comfortable.

And I suppose that’s a reason we don’t just say stuff, why we don’t just talk about some things, isn’t it? Vulnerability, fear of failure, of going trough things or making others go trough things, of being misunderstood, or of realizing delusion..

And to top it all, because of all this maddens one can just give up.. discouraged by the implications brought by natural selection in all this shadows reading unwanted exercise to which time is nothing but curly making people move on or go slightly mad.

But it could all be so simple, if we just said what’s on our minds, fully and truthfully.. after that, it could be either so very good, either the truth will hurt.. but it’ll be the truth, it will help us know better, be better, move on..

One more thing: nothing HAS to be sacrificed, or given up on. No one HAS to do anything or to stop doing anything. It seams like a matter of choice, but it doesn’t HAVE to be a mater of choice, one can have them all, and I mean ALL. And actually by ‘one’, I mean two can have it all too, nothing HAS to be lost, nothing HAS to be given up on.
And yes, by two plus two I actually mean one plus one.

I suppose we mostly know what we want, it’s a such a conspicuous contrast of our desires.. what we need though.. can be like an equation to which we don’t always know or understand all of the parameters..

Cheers.

End of chapter 10 from ‘Three man in a boat’ by Jermoe K. Jerome.

“The boat seemed stuffy, and my head ached; so I thought I would step out into the cool night-air. I slipped on what clothes I could find about – some of my own, and some of George’s and Harris’s – and crept under the canvas on to the bank. It was a glorious night. The moon had sunk, and left the quiet earth alone with the stars. It seemed as if, in the silence and the hush, while we her children slept, they were talking with her, their sister – conversing of mighty mysteries in voices too vast and deep for childish human ears to catch the sound. They awe us, these strange stars, so cold, so clear. We are as children whose small feet have strayed into some dim-lit temple of the god they have been taught to worship but know not; and, standing where the echoing dome spans the long vista of the shadowy light, glance up, half hoping, half afraid to see some awful vision hovering there. And yet it seems so full of comfort and of strength, the night. In its great presence, our small sorrows creep away, ashamed. The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and of bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained faces up to hers, and smiles; and, though she does not speak, we know what she would say, and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone. Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night’s heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far away beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God. Only those who have worn the crown of suffering can look upon that wondrous light; and they, when they return, may not speak of it, or tell the mystery they know.

Once upon a time, through a strange country, there rode some goodly knights, and their path lay by a deep wood, where tangled briars grew very thick and strong, and tore the flesh of them that lost their way therein. And the leaves of the trees that grew in the wood were very dark and thick, so that no ray of light came through the branches to lighten the gloom and sadness. And, as they passed by that dark wood, one knight of those that rode, missing his comrades, wandered far away, and returned to them no more; and they, sorely grieving, rode on without him, mourning him as one dead. Now, when they reached the fair castle towards which they had been journeying, they stayed there many days, and made merry; and one night, as they sat in cheerful ease around the logs that burned in the great hall, and drank a loving measure, there came the comrade they had lost, and greeted them. His clothes were ragged, like a beggar’s, and many sad wounds were on his sweet flesh, but upon his face there shone a great radiance of deep joy. And they questioned him, asking him what had befallen him: and he told them how in the dark wood he had lost his way, and had wandered many days and nights, till, torn and bleeding, he had lain him down to die. Then, when he was nigh unto death, low through the savage gloom there came to him a stately maiden, and took him by the hand and led him on through devious paths, unknown to any man, until upon the darkness of the wood there dawned a light such as the light of day was unto but as a little lamp unto the sun; and, in that wondrous light, our way-worn knight saw as in a dream a vision, and so glorious, so fair the vision seemed, that of his bleeding wounds he thought no more, but stood as one entranced, whose joy is deep as is the sea, whereof no man can tell the depth. And the vision faded, and the knight, kneeling upon the ground, thanked the good saint who into that sad wood had strayed his steps, so he had seen the vision that lay there hid. And the name of the dark forest was Sorrow; but of the vision that the good knight saw therein we may not speak nor tell.”

I love you, ..brother, ..friend, ..world. I’m sorry I don’t tell or show you this. I do.

I want to tell you that I do care. I always did. I seam to not know how to let you know. How to communicate to you.

Sometimes I don’t  know any better,  I’m no stranger to ignorance and procrastination either. 

But I also want to tell you that I’ve changed.. I guess I’ve always been changing a bit, learning a bit, realizing a bit. I’ve always wanted to improve.. I guess because I’ve always seen a need to improve my self. I keep realizing mistakes that I’ve done, and try to value the lessons learned. I’ve been careless.. too careless. I’m sorry, i realize at times I’ve let down, probably at times in a shocking way. 

I know I’ve still got a long way to go. Maybe we all have. I feel that I have to catch up sometimes. And sometimes I know that’s true. 

I’ve been undecided, I’ve been irresponsible,  i had let my self go. I’ve created expectations and have  disappointed.  I know I’ve also had success, I don’t remember the average but I remember the particular times that I regret disappointing. I could have done better. 

You’ll probably still have to bare with me sometimes. If that happens, again, I hope you’ll help me see that I’m worth it.  We all are. I know we can do wonderful things and have a great time together.

Please let me know of my faults so that I can improve and look you in the eye with opened mind and honesty. I might be difficult, stubborn, maybe in denial. Build your arguments around my feedback if it’s contradictory, I’ll try to do the same. Thank you for your effort to not let hasty reactions be an impediment for improvement. 

Sometimes it’s difficult to make a choice.
Here’s an easy way, and don’t hurry with the reaction.

Flip a coin! Only one time! I’m not saying that you should follow the result cause that’s it, but notice your reaction after the supposed decision was made by the coin flip..

It will tell you what you really want – by the joy that it was what you wanted or the disappointment that it wasn’t.

PS. This doesn’t assure the decision is the best thing for you, the most moral or rational or such, but it should tell you what you really want. Flip the coin again if you want to check morality, hopefully your consciousness will tell you the truth.