tranquility vs zen

“- You see, we all can be the master of our selves, in control and aware, pure if you like. We just have to give up on the things that hurt us, that destroy us.. he says looking at the cigarette and then slowly taking a smoke. But we can’t.. we’re addicted, we’re the slaves of our own ignorance, the pawns of our own self destructing plan, following it blindly.. Although! (after suddenly reducing intensity of speech) at times we realize, we know.. Some just can’t live with the self that they have become, that has been affected and build by the path they find them selves on.. and let go into ignorance.. apathy, surrender to the sweet immediate reward, (a sudden rise of intensity, exclaiming) the instant gratification! why get your self all beat up in tiredness and compromises when in one day!  you can be the king of procrastination, the lord of Bohemia! You feel full power over your self and stand naked in the middle of your living room with Tchaikovsky floating all around you and over saturating every cell of your eardrum when, in a high peak, while neighbors are hitting on your walls and shouting, you roar: “I don’t give a fuck!”..  and feeel soooo freee.. (he said slowly, enjoying the moment in a sudden stop from adrenalin, but after another second a bitter realisation is reflected in his suddenly dimmed face).. Of-course.. the day passes.. and you find your self in the morning making re-acquaintance with your life, (starting an expression of discontent like hatred towards that discouraging moment of re-acquaintance) which it felt so good to just ditch!.. and enjoy tranquility..  it almost feels right to make the same choice this next day too.”

By me.

PS. I just find my self imagining these kinds of dialogs or monologues after experiencing or witnessing intense emotions, sometimes it’s something I see on the street or anywhere outside, reading something (not as often as I would like), hearing someone’s own story or remembering moments of intense feelings or situations. Another often occasion is after seeing a movie. And in this above paragraph in particular it was after seeing “Black Swan” – still, it has nothing to do with the movie’s story.