I’m facing a mighty threshold in my life… i don’t know what lays behind it, i know what i wish there could be but I’ve made it so that it now seems I’m gambling in a game I cannot win… somehow I feel like I’m in a chess-mate and I should surrender and leave the board, but although i feel helpless, unable to do anything, i don’t want to leave, i never wanted to leave. I’d rather hug all the board pieces and together start dancing around the fire that we’d make with their weapons. I know… it sounds “queer”…

It may all be in my head, or it may make sense actually… i don’t know anything anymore, then again it feels like maybe I never really knew anything.

There are no rules, this particular threshold I’m not really suppose to pass on my own, it’s existence may very well imply this actually. Perhaps a bit paradoxically, or ironic, not having to pass it on my own is not up to me (not just up to me), so for now it seams that it’s up to me to pass this threshold on my own (although this might render things so that I haven’t really passed any threshold but just got back to where I was, or maybe not). And I do want to pass it, pass and explore the realms beyond it.